How Darius Became a Freeloading Bum in Luxury.

You know what I'm talking about. It's like the heebie jeebies. You start thinking about creepy stuff like bogeymen and poltergeists and suddenly your entire house is teeming with denziens of evil.

Then, there's cats. You start thinking about them. Then, you get one. Suddenly... there are, like EIGHTY knocking down your door. And none of them, fortunately or unfortunately, are figments of your imagination.

It started with Solace. We were ready, as a family, for a new furry family member. Financially, it was a little bit of a stretch because the adoption wasn't timed perfectly... you get them when you can! But then...

Hot Plumber Husband: Hi, Honey! How was your day?

Harried, Driving Me: It was work. How 'bout you?

Hot Husband: Gooood...

Harried Me: What's up, tiger? (Yes. I really call him that)

Hot Husband: Nuuuuthin'. Funny thing happened at work today...

Harried Me: (cluelessly biting) What's that, babe?

Hot Husband: Well, one of the secrataries had the sh*t scared out of her today. She went to toss something in the dumpster at the shop and there was this cat...

Harried Me: (downshifting, in every sense of the word) Oh, dear.

Hot Husband: He's fine now, they let him in the office and he's been there all day...

Harried Me: Darlin', (if there's a pet name, I call him that. I call YOU that too. I am indiscriminate with endearments.)how much time have YOU been in the office today?

Hot Husband: Uhmm, it was kind of a slow day...

Harried Me: We have another cat, don't we?

Hot Husband: (backpedalling), Well, no, not unless you want one but we don't have to but both of the secrataries all ready tried and their husbands said no and...

Harried Me: (Arriving at daycare to pick up SmartyPants)He must be really darn cute for you to be lobbying for this.

Hot Husband: (Seeing his opening and advancing for the kill) He's an AWESOME cat! He's got a purr like a V8 engine and he's been so sweet and happy all day. We've been playing and he napped in my lap...

Harried Me: (Loading SmartyPants into the car): Love, if he napped in your lap, he all ready bought you. My input is irrelevant. I'll make an appointment at the vet and buy another cat box. Do you think Solace will like him?

Hot Husband: I'm sure they'll be fine (Translation: I don't know but I'm sure you can figure it out).

Harried Me: Are you sure he doesn't belong to someone?

Hot Husband: Well, I've seen him around the shop for a few weeks now, he's been eating trash and we all feed him a little of our lunch when we're here... He has a flea collar, but it's really old and cracked, and it rubbed a part of his neck raw...

Harried Me: Oh my gosh! Ouch! (Sympathy creeps in around the edges)

Hot Husband: Yeah, so I thought he would be better off with us. Maybe. If you don't mind...?

Harried Me: SmartyPants and I are on our way to the shop now to meet the little booger.

Hot Husband: Great! Ok, we'll be here... You'll like him a lot, I promise!

When we arrived, there was my sexy plumber husband looking three kinds of eager, and a puddle of black velvet curled up on an office chair, emitting a low-frequency rumble that can only be described as a Harley in a vat of marshmallow fluff. When the cat lifted his head, I could see that his coat was rubbed off between his shoulder blades, and there were raw patches on his neck and under his chin. His skin was dry and flaky, but his eyes were bright and he chirrupped when he saw us. Oh, he was skinny! All angles, and for some strange reason I noticed that his head seemed far too small for his body. I offered a hand, and the Harley shifted into high gear. He rubbed my fingers with his jaw, I suppose he could smell my hot plumber husband on me and knew that I was family. He was polite and playful with SmartyPants, she was immediately smitten. So, I dropped the bomb: "We'll take him home," I announced.

The secrataries twittered with pleasure and made supportive statements. "I have two conditions." Hot husband looked struck, and groaned.

He should have known better, the man. TINSTAAFL (Google it). "Ok, what is it?"

"One, I get to name him." (Otherwise, the poor thing would wind up with either an Egyptian or German name that I either couldn't pronounce or would come out sounding like a bodily function)

"Damn. Fine. What's number two?"

"It's time to buy a house."

Welcome to the family, Darius!

How Solace Came to Be

You know what I'm talking about. It starts with that one little flutter of longing in your heart..."Maybe a kitten. Just one. We're such a quiet family, I'm almost bored..."

Then, the momentum increases..."Ooh, we could Rescue! It would be great! Rescued cats are so sweet... it's like they know, and they appreciate you more..."

And you start shopping on Pet Finder. And you set a date: "I'll wait until after (insert holiday, event or bill payment here). Then, we'll find the perfect one...

But look at all these sweet kitty faces!

"Uh oh..."Oh my gosh! Lookit that awesome cat! WHAT?? Who would FOUR PAW DECLAW such a beautiful creature?? She's at ANIMAL CONTROL?? FOR TWO WEEKS??!! Oh, HELL no they did NOT just..."

Gasping for breath as you careen off the doorjamb at Suburbia Division of Animal Control, desparately clawing at the front desk counter as you scare the cat-love out of the poor volunteer behind the fossilized computer station...

"The-diluted-mainecoon-lookin'-cat-that's-been-declawed-she-was-on-PetFinder-yesterday-is-she-still-here??"

Blink. Blink.

"I want to adopt a cat. A specific cat. The Cat! Can you help me?"

"Oh. Ok." She's still a little stunned, so I try not to crawl over the desk and shake her. "Can you please fill out this adoption application?"

I swear, to this day, I don't know if it was legible. Finally, FINALLY, a no-nonsense looking lady in scrubs strolls into the waiting room and calls my name. Thank God. At least that part was readable!

"Um. Hi." I'm feeling a little sheepish now. "I'm looking for a specific cat. She was on PetFinder yesterday, but she's not listed today. I'd really like to adopt her if she's..." (GULP) "...still here? She was listed as Princess...?"

The...longest...five...seconds...of...my...life.

"Oh! Sure! I think she's still in the infirmary. She had a sinus infection, and she's been here so long. The Humane Society said that they were going to pick her up today... do you want to see her?"

DUH. "Um, yes, please. Is she well enough to adopt?"

I saw that. The fractional hesitation...and I so totally didn't care. The cat could have been blowing green snot-bubbles out of her nose at that point. She was mine.

"She's had a full course of medication. She should be fine. Sit here, I'll go get her..."

The rest is history. She purred. She rubbed on my daughter's face and even wound herself around my husband's workboots. She was adorable. Now she sleeps on my bed. Thank God, she was still alive. It's Cat Karma. Once you start thinking about it, the perfect cat will present itself. If you hesitate... Who Knows? Timing is nothing when it comes to aquiring a cat. It's all in the Karma.